


Family

by Aria_Lerendeair



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Angst, Dean Talking about Feelings, Deleted Scene, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, sap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-23 04:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/618242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What I believe would have happened in 8x08 if Sam had not been a cockblock and walked in on Dean and Cas talking about Cas' feelings on heaven.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Family

**Author's Note:**

> Based specifically on this scene from 8x08 if you haven't seen it yet. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkYESmElv1E

“Dean, I said no!”    
  
Something was wrong.  Cas, who never talked above a monotone despite his best efforts had raised his voice.  Dean watched Cas look away from him, refuse to meet his eyes and made a decision.  At least Sam wasn’t around to see the chick flick moment that was threatening.  He closed the laptop and stood up, walking over to the bed opposite Cas.    
  
The angel was still not meeting his eyes, seeming almost reluctant to meet them.  Something really was bothering him.  Dean sighed and sat down, shifting to try and get comfortable.  He wouldn’t even try to do this with Sam.  Not that Sam would talk to him about anything like this, but something had to be eating away at Cas for him to be acting like this.    
  
“Talk to me.”  He demanded, staring at Cas, waiting for him to respond.    
  
“Dean, I-”  
  
He watched Cas shake his head, looking both frustrated and hurt.  Something was wrong, something that he could not help with.  He didn’t know what hurt more, that Cas was hurting and he couldn’t help, or that Cas was hurting and wouldn’t talk to him about it.    
  
It took far too long, but Cas put the journal down and turned to face him.  His heart jumped into his throat.  Cas was going to talk to him.  Tell him what was wrong.  He swallowed down the questions he wanted to ask and waited.    
  
“When I was...bad.”  Castiel hesitated and looked up at Dean.  “And I had all those things, those Leviathons writhing inside me.  I caused a lot of suffering...on earth.  But I devastated heaven.  I vaporized thousands of my own kind and I...”  He shook his head.  “I di-I can’t go back.”    
  
“Because if you do the angels will kill you.”  Dean stared at Cas and wanted nothing more to wrap his arms around him in a hug.    
  
“Because if I see what heaven’s become, what I...”  Castiel did not let himself think on what Heaven now looked like because of him.  He took a deep breath.  Dean wanted to know.  “What I made of it...”  He paused for a moment and looked at Dean, Dean, who hadn’t looked away, who had the most beautiful soul he had ever seen and kept talking.  “I’m afraid I might kill myself.”    
  
Dean stared at Cas.  He could see the pain, the anguish and the guilt Cas felt for what he had done.  He tightened his hands on his knees.  There was nothing that could be said, nothing he could say to help Cas, to make him feel better.  “Cas...”    
  
Castiel looked away from Dean, back at John Winchester’s journal.  “I’m fine Dean.”  He picked it up again.    
  
He reached out and took the journal away from Cas.  “Don’t make me call you a liar Cas.  You’re shit at lying.”    
  
He looked at Dean for a moment before clearing his throat.  “I will be fine Dean.  Perhaps I need time to...”  He thought back to the phrase Dean had used.  “Find my sea legs again.”    
  
Dean felt his lips curl in a grin.  Cas sounded like he wasn’t sure he had used the words correctly.  “You tell Sam I did this and I’ll kill you.”  He watched Cas’ eyebrows wrinkle in confusion and moved his Dad’s journal to the other bed.    
  
“I will not tell Sam a single thing you say Dean.”  Castiel promised solemnly.    
  
He wrapped an arm around Cas’ shoulders and squeezed him closer, feeling Cas tense.  “We aren’t a good replacement for heaven.”  Dean paused and looked up at the ceiling for a moment.  “Hell, we aren’t a good replacement for your family.  But Sam and I, we don’t give a shit what you’ve done Cas.  We want you here.  We will always want you here.  You’ll have a home here with us if you want one.”  Dean cleared his throat and dropped his arm from around Cas’ shoulders, standing up again, rubbing the back of his head.    
  
“I should go see what is keeping Sammy, he had said he’d be back now and-”  
  
“Dean?”    
  
He stopped and turned back to look at the angel sitting on the bed.  Cas still looked surprised and thankful.  “Yeah Cas?”    
  
“Why would you forgive me for what I did?”    
  
Dean met Cas’ eyes and smiled.  “Because that’s what family does Cas.  I think even your family has forgiven you.  Because they love you.”  He winced.  “And that’s the end of my chick flick moment.  Right.  I’m gonna go find Sam.”    
  
“Dean.”  Castiel watched the hunter’s back tense up and smiled.  “You are my family now.”    
  
Dean nodded once more before he let himself out the door of the hotel room.  

**Author's Note:**

> I think I watched this fifteen times, the video and it's so wonderful and it's a perfect example of Dean finally being able to talk about his feelings (a little bit) and help Cas out. I tried really, really hard for this to end differently, for there to be kisses and makeouts and maybe porn, but it felt too forced and it didn't fit the fic. So, instead you got this. And I think it works so much more. :) 
> 
> Comments and Criticisms welcome!
> 
> You can find me here: http://aria-lerendeair.tumblr.com/
> 
> You can also watch me write fics like this (and dozens of others) live! Follow me on Livestream for fics, shenanigans and a general all-around awesome time! http://new.livestream.com/accounts/7212317


End file.
